09 February 2007

Academic Crisis

Depressing realization today: I need only three more classes to finish the English major (besides what I'm taking this semester and Spring term): Shakespeare, Diverse Traditions, and the Senior Course. And after this semester, I would officially have enough classes to be done with the chemistry minor. And I'm done with all my GE. Which means I could spend all of next year just taking fun and interesting classes that I've never gotten around to, like astronomy, art history, more editing, more rhetoric, philosophy, computers in the humanities, and maybe even some poli-sci. I could get a second minor. Or even two. It would be pure bliss.

Except for I'm not a chemistry minor. I'm a chemistry major.

What in the world is my problem? Why do I feel compelled to do a double major even though the thought of trying to pack the six remaining courses into one year makes me want to cry? Because I really don't care about doing the work for my science classes. I enjoy the knowledge, but I don't care too much about the classes. At all. It's drudgery weighing me down.

The main thing that keeps me from considering dropping the double major is that I wouldn't know what to do without it. I've kind of build this identity around being a double major, and I'm afraid to let it go. How would I introduce myself to people if I didn't have a double major? What kind of psycho does a major for the sake of identity? Me, apparently.

Now that that's out in the open, I also have to say that I creepily enjoyed my O-chem test last night. Bizarre.


The Girl in the Other Room said...

Sister, at least you have accomplished something in school. I always feel so behind compared to you. And lost. You at least HAVE an identity, no matter how strange and weird it may be *jk*. Ever since Grandma went into the hospital, I keep thinking about doing something with science, even if it is picking up pharm tech again or being a RAD or a flobotomist. I want to help people. Except I am too selfish. Can that be my identity?

Paradox said...

Liz, I give you more credit that allowing you to attribute your frustration to an identity crisis.

If you're anything like me, I think it comes more from not wanting to see your hard work go to waste. You've invested time and energy into your chemistry work, and the last thing you want to do is compromise your goal, which was to be a double major.

It's the curse of the Honor student: they truly will kill themselves to have everything they've decided they should have, no matter how unrealistic or stressful.

If you really want the double major, go for it. But keep in mind what it will do to your sanity. LOL.

There's no shame in a minor though. Like you said in another post, college isn't about the classes, it's what you learn while you're there.

Hope everything goes well for you, and take care of yourself!