29 January 2007

Some Rules

So reading two romance novels (P&P and Unlikely Romance) in a short period of time is bad for my psyche, but it has made me think more about the nature of love. And you know what I've decided? I don't believe in love at first sight.

Oh yes, terribly unromantic of me and all that, but you all knew that anyway. But seriously, I'll acknowledge that love at first sight may work for some people, but I think I'm just too logical for it. There are very few people I would judge as being completely unsuited to me at first meeting, and even fewer (read: none) who I would know were completely suited. People are way more complicated than that. I'm convinced love is not about what you bring in, but what you build together. Interaction and conversation are infinitely more telling than first appearances and impressions.

Which leads to the main point of this post. For some reason, I feel compelled to share my newly minted dating philosophy with you. What can I say: I'm a science person. I crave organization and lists! (Obviously, it's from a female perspective, but I think the inverse applications are pretty clear.)

1 (which is paramount) - If there's any physical involvement, you've clearly reached the decision point. Handholding is borderline, but anything beyond that means you should definitely be exclusive. Don't allow physical intimacy unless you're okay with being off the market (potentially for a long time).

2 - Until such point as a relationship is defined or #1 occurs, don't worry too much about going out with other guys. It's understood that you can do that. Don't put yourself on hold when you aren't actually on hold. Plus going on dates, by some bizarre principle of physics, seems to attract more dates.

3 - Unrequited love is pointless. If X is taking action and you feel there's potential, don't avoid going out with him just because you are crushing on Y. Relationships are two people things. If Y doesn't take some action, it's just not going to work. The weakest actual relationship beats the strongest UL anyday. (Plus, see #2. Jealousy is powerful motivation for hesitant males.) Don't allow some UL to prevent a relationship from growing.

4 - That said, avoid purposely creating jealousy or playing guys off of each other. That will only earn you a bad reputation and cause a sudden inversion of #2.

5 - The "Mini-Crush" philosophy (courtesy of Val): It's better to spread your affections out over multiple guys while you aren't in a relationship. It keeps you from obsessing over one guy too much and building unrealistic expectations. And, if one doesn't work out, it won't send you into a 2 month depression, cause you have back-up. :D

Oh, and--

6 - Follow your heart.

Yeah, that could be relevant. Maybe.

Okay, it feels really strange for me to write a dating philosophy. I think I need to go do some ritual cleansing or something.


Marisa VanSkiver said...

hmm, are you directing these at any person in particular??

Liz Muir said...
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